I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
