4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
