Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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