I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
