At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm at about main and main street
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
