I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
