I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
