Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't think brook has ever known best
home. puking in laundry basket.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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