Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
