walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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