Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
