According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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