the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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