You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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