your parents love me but you hate me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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