Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
