Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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