32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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