You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
