he wants to bone in the snuggie
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
