i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
