I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
why is half of my head shaved?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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