dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it penis luge time yet?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
