dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
