How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
