Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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