Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
