Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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