I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
