Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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