omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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