Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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