I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
