I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
