party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I stole a fireplace last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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