remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
