you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
