I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
