I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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