can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
