i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
