I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
