i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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