Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
