My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
why do cheetos always look like penises
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
