Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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