Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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