Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
