Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
