guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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