if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
